


Don't Cry When I'm Gone

by JeremiahHeere



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, M/M, Military AU, Song fic, What am I doing, i thought this would be cute, im so sad now, it will be okay in the end, military!michael, musical!jeremy, omg, song is in chapter two, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:53:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeremiahHeere/pseuds/JeremiahHeere
Summary: Everything has been different since Michael went away. Will he be home soon? I hope so...





	1. Chapter 1

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jeremy asked, trying to hold back the river of tears. He was sitting on Michael's bed watching the taller male pack a suitcase. He was leaving. For how long, neither of them knew. Michael looked up from the suitcase to look at his friend. Once he saw the other was holding back tears, he sighed and got up to sit next to him.

"I didn't want you to worry to or us to have this on our minds the entire time before I leave. I was scared, Jeremy. This whole thing scares me."

"Then why are you doing it? Why did you join the military? We just graduated and you're already leaving?" Jeremy brought his knees to his chest and hid his face, closing his eyes as tight as possible. Maybe if he stayed like this, everything would stay the same. Maybe if he stayed like that, everything would be okay. Maybe if he stayed like that, he wouldn't have to say goodbye.

"I know, I know. I don't really want to leave, but I have to. I want to help change the world somehow and I want to be... remembered? As a hero or something? Plus, when I get home, I could get so many military discounts." He chuckles at his attempt to lighten the mood, but it only seemed to make Jeremy curl into himself even more.

"But you're already my hero. Michael, what if you get hurt? What if something happens and nobody is there to help? What if..." No, that is never a good thing to think, yet he did think it. A single tear rolled down Jeremy's cheeks. "We have always been there for each other, how can I just act like everything is normal when you're gone?" Slowly, Michael raised his hand to Jeremy's shoulder and placed it there. He rubbed smooth circles with his thumb that made Jeremy want to cry more. 

"Jer, I know it's going to be hard. It's hurting me so much to see you like this, but I have to do this."

"No you don't, Michael. You don't have to go. If you're so scared and you don't want to leave, then why are you? To be remembered by people who never even knew you? Why would you do that? There are so many people here who already love you and care about you. God, I feel like I'm falling apart! I can't live without you! I don't want you to leave!" Jeremy is sobbing at this point, trying to take slow, shaky breaths. He thought over everything and realized how... selfish he sounded. "But I... I don't want to hold you back. I don't want to be the reason you never got to do something you have always wanted to do. I'm just... I don't know. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to say goodbye to you." He slowly was able to breath normally again, but tears still fell down his pale cheeks. He felt Michael's arm slowly wrap around his shoulders, and that's when he broke. He clung onto Michael, burying his face in his shoulder and holding his hoodie until his knuckles were white.

"This is not goodbye, okay? I will come home. There will not be a single day that goes by without me thinking of you. I want to fight to make the world safer for others, to make sure nobody gets hurts and that everything will be okay in the world one day. I know this is something really serious, and I am taking it seriously. The only thing that makes me not want to leave is you. I know we depend on each other too much, though. You know that, too. So maybe this is a good thing." He held onto Jeremy a little tighter. He didn't even realize he was crying, too.

They stayed in each others embrace for who knows how long until Michael's phone buzzed, notifying him that the bus he was taking was five minutes away. He sighed, giving Jeremy one last squeeze before letting go, instantly feeling cold without his touch. He stood up for a second before taking off his hoodie and giving it to Jeremy. He felt exposed. To him, it was like all his scars were on display for everyone to see, but that was not important at this moment in time.

"Take this. I won't need it where I'm going. I know you will keep it safe until I return." He said.

"Michael, I-"

"Please?" And with that, Jeremy gave a soft sigh and put on the hoodie. It reached down to his knees and seemed to consume him, but he felt safe in it. As if the person who cared about him the most was hugging him at all times. Michael grabbed his suitcase and gestured for Jeremy to follow him. The walked out of the house and to the end of the driveway. The wait was quiet. Jeremy suddenly became very interested in the crack on the sideway while Michael rubbed his arm anxiously. When Jeremy looked at him, he couldn't help but start to cry again and launch himself into Michael's arms, almost knocking the taller boy over. "Aw, Jer, please don't cry when I'm gone."

"I don't think that's possible." Jeremy says with a weak laugh.

"Hey, I love you." Michael whispered.

"I-"

"Not in that way, Jeremy. I say it in the way like I'm in love you. I have been for years. I just... needed to tell you before I left." Jeremy pulled away just a little to look him in his eyes. He didn't see any sign that this was some kind of sick joke, all he saw in those beautiful brown eyes was love and adoration. Jeremy was about to say something when they heard a honk. 

The bus. It was time.

"That's my cue." Michael whispered. He held Jeremy for only a second longer before letting go to get his bag. Before he turned towards the bus, his gave Jeremy a gentle kiss on the forehead. When he pulled away, a single tear fell. "Bye, Jeremy. I love you, and that will never change." He walked up the bus steps and he was gone.

Jeremy stood in the driveway and looked where the bus had been. He looked where Michael used to be. He looked where he last saw Michael. Jeremy still tried to process what had happened that day, but the only thing he knew for sure is that this is what being heart broken felt like. He fell to his knees without even realizing it and started to shake. There was no point in holding them back.

"I love you, too..." He whispered. Did he miss his shot on actually saying it to him though?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a few years later and Jeremy was forced out of the house for a little bit to clear his troubled mind.

"Come on, Jeremy, get up there!" Christine exclaimed. "You are amazing at singing, so don't you dare try to come up with an excuse."

They were seated in the center of a karaoke bar along with Rich and Jake. They showed up to Jeremy's apartment about an hour ago and forced him to come, saying that it was for his own good. It was true that Jeremy didn't really communicate with them as often anymore. He truly didn't mean to distance himself, it just sort of happen. 

He fiddled with the end of the hoodie he was wearing. It was still big on him, but it fit better then it had five years ago. Every time he looked at the hoodie, it reminded him not to cry. He tried not to, but some nights when he was trying to sleep, he would look to the other side of the room where the hoodie sat and all he could do was cry. I mean, who wouldn't? It seemed like those moments were the only ones that he would allow himself to show any emotion. When Michael left, Jeremy seemed to have put up a wall that didn't come down for anyone.

"I don't know, Chrissy" He mumbled. "I'm not really in the mood."

"Aw, come on! You'll do great. What happened to those days you got in front of hundred of people reciting lines with so much passion? It was so cool! I miss that side of you, man!" Jake said. His arm was placed around Rich's shoulders as Rich seemed to try to snuggle as close to him as possible.

"Yeah! Come on, Tall-Ass. We barely ever see you now, you could at least do this for us!" Rich said.

There was a moment of silence at their table. Jeremy was looking down at his hands, but he could feel the three pairs of eyes on him. They were right, it had been a long time since he preformed anything. He lost any kind of motivation when Michael left. God, he hated how he let him leaving affect his actions so much. He looked up from his hands and met Christine's eyes. There seemed to see so many emotions in those brown eyes.

"Please?" She whispered. It sounded like she was going to break at any moment. "We miss you, Jer. We just want to see you have a little fun, that's all. This is a chance to... get things off your chest if you want? You won't talk to us, but maybe you can express your feelings in song."

She always knew what to say and do. With a sigh, Jeremy got up and headed towards the stage. Behind him, you could hear Rich and Jake cheering him on. He got to the stage and looked through the songs. It felt like all the songs there were too perky or were meaningless. He was about to give up and go sit back down when his eyes landed on a song. He knew the lyrics by heart and it was everything he has been wanting to say for years. He chose the song and went to the microphone.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he saw his friends giving him encouraging smile. He gave a weak one back.

"Yes I do, I believe  
That one day I will be, where I was  
Right there, right next to you"

He began to sing. The words seemed to just flow out from his lips. Every word that left was true. That's all he wanted now. To be by his side.

"And it's hard, the days just seem so dark  
The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you  
Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?  
No words can explain, the way i’m missing you  
Deny this emptiness, this hole that i’m inside  
These tears, they tell their own story"

The memory of the two stargazing those countless nights came into his head. When they laid by each others side and their hands would just barely brush each other always sent chills down Jeremy's back. But now, he was alone. He told everyone he was fine, but nobody is that oblivious to know he is lying.

"You told me not to cry when you were gone  
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it's much too strong"

He felt so weak as tears began to slowly roll down his cheeks.

"Can I lay by your side, next to you, you  
And make sure you’re alright  
I’ll take care of you,  
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight"

He would never admit it to anyone, but he has thought about taking his life. It felt pointless with out his player one. If only he was here. If only he knew how much he cared. 

"I’m reaching out to you  
Can you hear my call   
This hurt that I’ve been through  
I’m missing you, missing you like crazy"

Michael still had his phone activated, but he must have given it to his moms before he left. There were some days where Jeremy got so desperate to hear his voice that he would call several times to hear the voicemail. If Jeremy had his eyes open, he would have realized that Jake had left the building.

"Can I lay by your side, next to you, to you  
And make sure you’re alright  
I’ll take care of you,  
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight"

Before Jeremy could continue the next line, some else seemed to continue it for him.

"Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side  
Lay me down tonight  
Lay me by your side  
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you"

The voice sounded so familiar. It was smooth and calming. It felt like... home. Jeremy looked towards the door. There was a tall, tan man. He wore glasses that looked big and nerdy, but it fit them. Their hair was cut on the sides and it looked like the top just got to the length to flop down and cover his right eye. He was muscular and wore a military uniform. Jake moved pass the man and patted him on the shoulder as he took his seat.

"...Michael?" Jeremy whispered softly to where it was almost inaudible.

"Hey, Jer. What did I say about crying?" He responded with a grin.

Before Jeremy could even process what was happening, his legs started to run towards him and his arms wrapped around his neck. If he wasn't crying before, he sure as hell was now. Michael latched onto him just as tightly and chuckled.

"Please tell me this is real." Jeremy mumbled into his shoulder.

"It is. Christine and the guys seemed to hunt me down instantly when I got back and we planned to surprise you. So, surprise?"

"Wait, how long have you been back?" Jeremy asked as he pulled his face away.

"Umm, about a week?"

"A WEEK!?!? Why did you wait so long, Mikey?" Although that fact did hurt, he knew there had to be a reason behind it.

"Well, the others and I had to prepare something first."

"And it was more important then letting me know you were still alive?" Michael pulled him closer and nuzzled Jeremy's hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure you won't be mad for long, though."

"I'm not mad. I'm just... so, so happy you're here."

"Me too, Jer." The others walked up to them and notified them that they were leaving. Jeremy thanked them and they walked out together. As Jeremy and Michael stood outside, a thought popped into Jeremy's mind.

"Do you still love me?" He asked. It seemed like a random question, but he couldn't stop himself from asking. Michael turned to him and brought him to his chest, squeezing him gently.

"I told you, I could never stop."

"I never got to tell you... But I love you, too. I love you so much and I feel like if I don't say it now, I could lose that chance. I thought I lost that chance five years ago, but you're here now." Michael pulled back and placed his hand on the others cheek, dragging his thumb along his cheekbone. He slowly leaned in and connected their lips. It didn't last long, but they both savored every moment. When they pulled away, Jeremy placed his forehead against Michael's. 

"You have no idea how long I thought about doing that." Michael mumbled.

"I have a good idea, though." They let go of each other.

"Come on, it's time for me to show you the other part of your surprise." He took the others hand and led him away from the bar. Jeremy didn't know where he was being led to, but it didn't matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I have even read this. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know what you think!  
> The song is Lay Me Down by Sam Smith


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy gets the rest of his surprise.

The walk to wherever was silent, but that was okay. After being away from each other for so long, there were no words to explain how they felt. They continued down the street with hands laced together and their shoulders occasionally bumping. Everything was right once again.

They walked for about fifteen minutes until they were standing in front of a tall building. Jeremy recognized it from the rare days he would take walks to try to distract himself. It never really helped, but it was nice to get out. He admired the building and would sometimes think about the people and who might live behind those walls. It was truly beautiful.

"Welcome home." Michael smiled, squeezing Jeremy's hand.

"Wait, what?"

Michael didn't say anything. He pulled him through the doors and walked pass the front desk to the elevators. When they entered, Michael pushed the button to take them to the twenty second floor, which was the very top. When they got to their designated floor, they turned right and walked down the hall about twenty five feet and stopped in front of a navy blue door. Michael let go of Jeremy's hand and reached into his pocket to retrieve a key to hand to Jeremy. He seemed hesitant when handed the key.

"Go ahead. It's all ours." With that, Jeremy nodded and slowly unlocked the door. When the door opened, Jeremy felt like he was sent back in time. The living room was filled with little antiques and trinkets from video games and it like there were at least five different gaming consuls under the flat screen television. There was a red couch that contrasted well with the light grey walls. What seemed to throw it all together were the beanbag chairs in the middle of the room, just like when they were in high school.

"Michael... oh, my god. You did this?"

"Well, yeah. When the others found where I was, I told them that all I wanted was to be with you again and that this was our dream for the longest time. I was able to get everything and they helped me move everything in. Do you like it?" He rubbed the back of his neck, one of his habits when he is nervous. Jeremy smiles, noticing his actions.

"Are you kidding? Mikey, this is amazing! Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I mean, I don't know. We talked about doing this years ago, but I didn't know if you still wanted this. I thought you would be mad that I left and you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. It was a huge move, I know, but I got this place to try to make up for all the lost time." He said. He removed his hand from his neck, but he never met Jeremy's eyes. "I'm sorry if I read things wrong and you don't want to stay."

Jeremy walked back towards Michael and lifted his chin to make him look into his eyes. Those hazel eyes were slowly allowing tears to be released. Jeremy took his thumb and swiped them away.

"This is all I have ever wanted. I could never be mad at you for doing something you wanted to do to help others. I am so proud of everything you have done, okay? I am so happy this is happening, if I'm being honest. I feel like I'm dream, like, I don't know. I just can't believe you're here." Jeremy leaned forward and placed his lips of Michael's forehead, staying there for a few second.

Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy's waist and pulled his close so he could connect their lips. It seemed more passionate then the first one, but it held the same amount of love. They pulled away and looked at each other. They looked into each others eyes for a while until Michael started to giggle at how ridiculously soft they were both being. And I mean GIGGLE, not laugh. He suddenly stopped.

"I want to show you the view from our room." He said. He headed to the very back room with Jeremy right behind him. The room was calming in Jeremy's opinion. Everything was black and white besides the light blue curtains. Michael moved them back to reveal a door leading to the porch. They both stepped out and looked out into the world. It felt like you could see all of New Jersey from there. The sun was setting on the buildings with mixtures of orange and pinks.

"Wow. This is beautiful." Jeremy said.

"I mean, it's alright. It's not as beautiful as you, though."

Jeremy turned his head to attempt to hide his blush. It didn't work. Michael chuckled and brought Jeremy to his side and held him close. There was no hesitation from Jeremy when he nuzzled closer. They stayed like that for a while, just watching the sunset. Jeremy let out a small sigh.

He finally felt like he was truly home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really like this chapter or the last one, but I'm posting it anyways. Hope you enjoy!  
> Let me know what you guys thought!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm crying.  
> Okay, so I will have another chapter because I can't just leave you hanging like this. The next part will be kinda like a song fic I guess.  
> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> Also, I didnt spell check this so hahaha oops


End file.
